I've finally started taking the advice of countless writers--and everyone else--"If you want to be a writer, you probably need to write." I've somehow tricked myself into believing, for quite some time, that getting a book published just happens. Unlike most jobs, I can't go to school, get a degree, get some training, and apply to be a published author.
I know the process will be long, arduous, and outright painful at times, but I now know I can keep at it. The fact that the "itch" to write something, to expose some piece of the world to readers in a way they haven't heard before, never subsides, pushes me to keep working.
I can't help thinking of a writer's relationship with one's characters when I observe the way some of the children at the Autism Learning Center (where I work) play. Although often finding it extremely difficult to talk to other children, I've witnessed some children find it remarkably easy to talk through dolls, action figures, puppets, etc. It's almost as if, by disguising their voices or identities, communication is suddenly less frightening. I work with one boy with Aspergers who will barely sing along with music. However, hand him something inanimate to "sing to" and he suddenly belts out a nearly perfect tune. Oddly, writing makes me feel the same way. I can hide behind characters, words, and symbolism as I find ways to communicate with others. I may find it hard to stare the world in the face and belt out my own tune, but give me a pen and my voice will come.
With publication as my ultimate goal, that fear of communicating face-to-face creeps back into the picture. Sitting in my self-created writer's cove, I can say whatever I want without anyone actually hearing. I can say the words are meant for others to hear without actually having to deal with what readers really think about them. Once I make that leap into the publication process, I offer my writing up as a sacrifice to be torn apart, ravaged, and hopefully salvaged.
I have a lot of maturing to do first before I even consider offering my work up to that level of scrutiny. By writing as much as I can, I hope to continue learning how to become comfortable in my own skin--how to use my pen and my characters to expose parts of myself and my experiences that I am desperate for the world to hear.
Here's to a life-long commitment.
